William Doonan

I write books and stories.

my new part-time business

with one comment

I’ve been weighing some new business opportunities to generate some much-needed money, now that we’re living in Florence, while also paying the mortgage back in Sacramento.  I think I’ve chanced upon a winning idea; there have to be a lot of people in Nigeria, and I’m planning on sending the following e-mail to most of them:

Ibako Ndigabe

Lagos, Nigeria

Dear Mr. Ndigabe,

My name is Abraham Lincoln VIII.  I am the mayor of Franklin, America, and I am in contacting you to discuss a most important financial venture that will be of great assistance to me, and great fortune to you.

My father whose name was Abraham Lincoln VII was in possession of several banking accounts here in Philadelphia before dying, and has since been unable to recover the funds therein.  My father has informed me personally of your great and honest character and instructed me to enlist your help in retrieving these moneys and treasury notes that were collected by our great ancestor, Abraham Lincoln I, who was the founder of our great country.

It is my desire to  transfer these funds out of the United States to Nigeria, where I dream of opening an orphanage for teenage mothers, but as a public official, I am barred from opening accounts overseas.  If you will agree to help me, I will sign a document that guarantees you 25% of all of the funds in our accounts, an estimated $112 trillion U.S. dollars, and I will also share with you the profits of the orphanage for a period of three years.

In anticipation of your eager acceptance of this offer, and in recognition of the fortune that will soon be yours, please contact me at your earliest convenience, and provide your bank account number and password, your government identification number, and your mother’s maiden name.

It is with great pleasure that I look forward to receiving this information promptly, so that I will not find it necessary to contact a different person in Nigeria with whom to conduct this most important business.


Abraham Lincoln VIII

Franklin, America


Written by williamdoonan

January 31, 2011 at 2:31 pm

One Response

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  1. Just catching up and read this! Funniest thing I’ve seen since noodles in search of soup. Literally rotfl.

    David Block

    March 8, 2011 at 3:54 am

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