The Mummies of Blogspace9: Chapter Forty-One

July 25, 2011
Seville, Spain
Samples http://www.greatbigLeon.blogspace9.ex

The tenth best thing about this whole experience was staying in the penthouse suites at the Gran Melia Colon, one of Seville’s finest hotels.  We had the whole floor.  All things considered, we needed the privacy.  A discreet surgeon looked after Sacromonte’s bullet wounds and patched him up nicely while I drank Tequila and sherry.  I thought about having a mojito, but in the end, I decided against it.

The ninth best thing was Bruce having the foresight to make sure Naya, Duran, and Cuellar were wearing earplugs during our trip to the Alcazar.  Otherwise, it would have been curtains for them too when that malleus momias recording came on.  It’s not like we want a world free of walking mummies; we just want to get rid of the bad ones.

The eighth best thing was realizing that Bruce had uploaded that whole book to the internet.  Malleus momias was already being translated into other languages.  Honestly, I have no idea what kind of problems the good folks in China, Portugal, the Philippines, and Turkmenistan are having with mummy uprisings.  But I take some comfort in knowing that they’ll be prepared.

The seventh best thing was watching Gumecindo Duran and Vasco Cuellar walk arm in arm past the Giralda Tower.  It was morning by then, and we were all exhausted, but these two conquistadors carried a lot of the battle this day, and judging by the spring in their steps, I think they understand that.

The sixth best thing was shooting a scimitar-wielding eunuch guard who tried to kill me.  I’ve never shot anyone before, nor come up against a eunuch of any kind bearing any sort of weapon.  So I’m pleased that I didn’t choke under pressure.

The fifth best thing was filling my pockets with gold doubloons — real ones.  Sopay/Quiroga’s desk drawer was full of them, so I helped myself.  We did a little ransacking once the bad guys were down.  Sacromonte put a few guys in the Alcazar apartments to keep things under wraps until we get back to sort out our new business affairs.

The fourth best thing was watching all those eunuch guards fall to the ground.  Like all at once.  The moment Bruce and company put that sopay down, all of his minions fell apart.  It’s not like they disintegrated or anything — they just more or less died, as did all the wives.  And I know that’s not a thing to really be happy about, but there was something peaceful about it.  You could read it in their faces – like it was finally over.

The third best thing about this whole experience was that Bruce’s new girl Naya agreed to take us to Sebastiano.  And he’s really the only piece of this left.  Only he knows where the gold is.  Naya promised Bruce she’d take him to the gold, and she promised Segovia the same thing two hundred years ago, so it’s time she did so.  We’re heading out in the morning.

The second best thing was that I finally got to sleep with Kim Castillo.  She isn’t quite herself, I’ll grant you that, what with all the dying and the cannibalism, and stealing the ship and eating all the sailors and being engaged to a demon, and agreeing to have sex with me.  But she was extremely grateful to me for coming to her rescue, and she conveyed that gratitude in a way that was extremely meaningful to me.  I asked her out afterwards, but she told me not to press my luck.

The best thing about this whole experience was not being castrated.  Seriously, if you get through the day without having your balls off, then you’re a lot better off than you could have been.

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