William Doonan

I write books and stories.

MedicineLand: Chapter Twenty-Seven

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“If your plan is to get terribly drunk, then I’m finding another seat,” Alice warned.

“For me, it’s a moral imperative,” Carson told her.  “You know, first class costs five times as much as coach and confers only three advantages: free liquor, really good reclining seats, and individual salt and pepper shakers.”

“You’re a freak.”

“Am not.”

“We got nothing here,” Alice said, irritated.  “We came all this way and we got a nice bullshit interview with a woman who has well more street smarts than we do.”

“You underestimate so much,” Carson said, twisting the caps from two little bottles of Dewars.  “Did you notice her lipstick?”

“Whose lipstick?”

Carson downed the bottle.  “Millicent Sorrows.  Who is it you think we are talking about here?”

“No, I did not notice her lipstick. “

“Me neither.  She didn’t have any lipstick on.”

“So what?”

“So we have saliva on the cigarette butt,” Carson said, producing a zip lock bag containing a cigarette butt.

“I didn’t see you pick that up,” Alice said.

“I’m a cripple, love of my loins, and as such, my actions are subconsciously ignored by most people. I could be holding a tuba in one hand and my balls in the other, and nobody would notice because they’re so intent on not staring.”

“So you got a cigarette butt.  You think you have her DNA on the cigarette butt?”

“Yes.  She’s a smoker.  Her lips are chapped.  I have her DNA.  I win.  Hey, you want to join the mile high club?  Because I shit you not, nobody is going to rush me in the bathroom.  Seriously, come with.”

“Pass, thanks.  But damn, you are a sneaky boy.”

“You have no idea.  Last month I stole a Playstation 3 from Toys R Us.”

“You did not.  They have all the merchandise chipped.”

“Please, it’s like a two-bit encryption.  It was so easy I took three Barbies as well, and I gave them to a homeless woman.”

“Was she pleased?”

“No,” he said.  “I think it irritated her.  But to answer your question, yes, I do intend to drink heavily for the duration of the flight, and yes I do have Millicent Sorrows’ DNA.”

Written by williamdoonan

March 21, 2013 at 1:27 pm

Posted in Fiction, MedicineLand

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