William Doonan

I write books and stories.

The Mummies of Blogspace9: Chapter Ten

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June 17, 2011

Magdalena de Paz, Peru

Sanderson            http://www.CyrusSanderson.blogspace9.ex

Listen to me very carefully, young Bruce.  I think you are engaging in something unwise, and it needs to stop.  We have a brand new ultraviolet scanner here that was delivered this morning.  It’s the size of a refrigerator, and we have no idea who sent it, but we can now see a whole lot more of what’s written on the documents we’ve excavated.

Lane and Leon are out at the pyramid.  They’ll be back for lunch any moment now, so I’ll be brief.  Blunt too.  Shut this thing down, Bruce.  I don’t want any more of our material flowing out into cyberspace.  You never know who might be paying attention. 

This is raw archaeological data we are developing, and it is of great value.  I know I signed off on this blog thing, but this is still my project, and I want my information pipeline capped.

Here’s why: information has been/will be/should be controlled.  It’s not for every-day consumption.  Do you think the Inca emperors cared about sharing knowledge with the masses when they devised their quipus, the most complex record-keeping system ever devised by humans?  Do you think the Maya lords let any old farmer peruse their tax roles?  What do you think Pharaoh Ramses II was thinking when he had his scribes adorn Karnak with more Byzantine words than any king had yet written in stone? 

These men were living gods, and they understood one important aspect of power: control your information.  Fail to do that, and you never know who is going to start poking around your business.  And once you start worrying about that, you’ll do little else.  You’ll worry all the time.  You’ll fail to pay attention to details, and the Huns will come.  Or the Assyrians, or the Romans, or the Spanish.  But the point is, someone will come. 

So can we please shut down this internet experiment before we let someone in that we’d rather not let in?  It’s bad enough we now have a 19th-century Spanish gunfighter sitting out by the pool with his spurs and a mai tai.


June 17, 2011

Magdalena de Paz, Peru

Cavalcante          http://www.diggirl.blogspace9.ex

Say what you need to, Cyrus, but as you know, grants are not as lucrative as they once were.  And the good folks at Blogspace9 are funding our research.  Can you pass that yellow hot sauce, please?  You hanging over me watching me type is not going to change what I type.

The world is changing, Cyrus.  The axis of information has shifted dramatically since you were in graduate school back in the Paleolithic.  Information is still power, but that power now comes from sharing rather than hoarding.  That’s something the Inca never realized.  That’s something the Egyptians never suspected.  That’s something the Maya never dreamed.

The kings of old were paranoid sociopaths, more concerned with their own fragile thrones than with the larger more glorious pictures that were everywhere before them.  The professors of old were no different.  But those kings are long gone, Cyrus.  And those old professors are on their way out, soon to be replaced by a vast army of underpaid, uninsured, unloved adjunct professors who will, in short time, be chewed up by academia and become alcoholics.

But I digress.  You want to wait, Cyrus?  You want to process your data, and then sit back and write an article for Latin American Antiquity, circulation 1,600?  Way to illuminate the past!  Light your tiny candle, big guy!  As of this morning, our hit counter is at 702,429.  Almost three quarters of a million people are going to read the words I am typing right now.  I’m not even thirty years old, and I have more people paying attention to me than all the Inca emperors combined ever did.  Now pass me the damn yellow hot sauce.

Thank you. 

In any case, back when National Geographic was funding us, we had the same kind of agreement – anything interesting turns up, they take pictures and pop them onto the cover of the magazine.  The only thing different now is that everything is happening faster.  Also, it’s ten times the money.  So, if you want to cancel our agreement, then go get us some grants.  On the other hand, you own three houses, Cyrus.  Sell two and pay us what we’re worth.

Bruce: I’m going to send you the scans that Kim is pulling off this infrared light box or whatever it is.  We’re still trying to figure out where it came from, but you’re not going to believe how much of our texts is legible now.

Leon is here and he wants to write something.  I think he wants to tell you about his new man crush.  I can’t yet tell who is more taken by our new bodyguard Mr. Segovia – Leon or Kim.

Before I go, Kim wants you to look for a name – Quiroga Vela.  It looks like Father Sebastiano was expecting a visit from him, and it doesn’t look like he was much looking forward to it.


June 17, 2011

Magdalena de Paz, Peru

Samples      http://www.greatbigLeon.blogspace9.ex

Hey, Bruce, I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking that smoking a cigarette by the pool wearing nothing but horse-riding boots and a Speedo isn’t cool.  And ordinarily I would agree with you, but that’s what my new best friend is rocking right now, and he’s the coolest cat I’ve ever seen. 

He’s only been here a day and a half, but I’m already tight with Segovia.  He’s like the Starsky to my Hutch, the Hall to my Oates.  I think Kim is in love with him, and you know what, I don’t blame her.

Osvaldo Segovia is a former police officer from Madrid.  He’s also a champion marksman and sword fighter.  You can Google him if you don’t believe me.  I’d Google him myself except our friendship is such that our trust is complete.  He’s fifty years old, speaks nine languages, and weighs about thirty-nine pounds by the looks of him.  But he’s a tough little guy, solid, like a puma. 

I’m not sure exactly what he’s doing here.  He says he’s protecting us, and I expect he means from the zombies or the convicts or whoever the hell it is prowling around at night.  But so far, he hasn’t done much except drink brandy, sit by the pool, and look cool. 

He says he’s going outside tonight.  He’s planning to spend the night on top of the pyramid, and I’m going with him.  At least I want to, but when I asked, he just ignored me. 

Check this out – Kim just walked up to the edge of the pool, and right this minute, she just took her top off in front of him.  And he hasn’t moved a muscle.  Erdulfo is standing out there too, and he just dropped his guavas.  I have to go.


Written by williamdoonan

December 31, 2011 at 10:59 pm

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